Living Beyond Fear
by Gina Capristo-Gajdosik
Anyone who knows me would tell you that I determine what’s going on in my life by how I feel. Yet, there have been times when guidance is not only warranted but essential; a different perspective, a shift. I considered booking a reading with a well-known Connecticut-based psychic after I had seen her posts on Facebook. I felt numb from recent losses; my mother-in-law had recently passed at Hospice from the after effects of a large stroke. My own mother passed two years prior after a year in a nursing home, having been sent there as a result of a fall. I didn’t process the death of my mother correctly; hers was a very slow, progressive illness and by the time she passed, we were all worn-out. So I made a first-time appointment with this intuitive and what should have been a thirty minute drive turned into two hours on the Parkway, most of it a dead STOP. I drove home, disappointed and certain I wasn’t meant to know anything I didn’t already know. I spent the next few days trying to figure out what to do.
I eventually decided to reschedule because I felt I needed to know about my future. For anyone who has ever thought about seeking guidance from a psychic/intuitive reader, make sure it is someone vetted by others. Also, make sure it is a person with great compassion and sensitivity, as the messages are often emotional. My Intuitive explained the format of the reading to me and how it would go; small clues in the beginning so the connection is made between the person seeking answers and those on the other side. These messages are not life-changing in scope but they do prove that our loved ones are still with us and involved in our lives. It was obvious, we are indeed connected. Yet, people you might expect to come forward are not always the ones who do.
In my case, I had an unexpected relative connect with me; my husband’s uncle John (as she referred to him, “who has the J name?”) Uncle John mentioned a white truck, the truck my husband drives to work every, single day. This kind of message gets the ball rolling. My psychic got a picture of three letters, “b e a” which spells a woman’s name, “Bea,” (short for Beatrice) the only person I could think of which also seemed super weird was Swedish pop singer Beatrice Eli, whom I had connected with in my recent past. My guess couldn’t be confirmed, but that was all I had. This clue made no sense to me. You must be good at picking up on clues because the messages come quickly. Soon enough, my “guest of honor,” arrived. Mom popped into the conversation rather quickly and was determined to give me one solid and firm message.
(Background: My mother and I had a very close relationship but for one, extremely important subject: my true sexuality. I had a very difficult time coming out as a lesbian at the advanced age of thirty-nine, after falling in love with a much younger woman from another country. I had been married to a wonderful man for thirteen years. Needless to say, I was emotionally ill for years. One of my biggest challenges was family. For lack of a better description, my mother “lost her shit” when I told her. And I was blamed by my sister for “upsetting her” (meanwhile, I was seeing a therapist three times a week.)
Family can be tricky. No one ever wants to admit any fault or even any difference concerning family members, even something the other has no control over. I had been living a semi-out life ever since my thirties and my mother’s message in my reading was a sincere apology for not being sensitive or truthful about my sexuality, not just to others, but even to me. Mom saw that my marriage was still together and that was all she cared about when she was on Earth. But as it was explained to me, when mom passed over she had her “life review,” like a slide-show that displays pivitol moments of your life, allowing her to see her errors.
This was what I needed to hear and my tears came with a vengeance. My mom called me, “amazing” (something she had never said to me while she was on Earth. Oddly, she often seemed to become embarrassed by my accomplishments; she would make a joke, and sometimes even “off color” and then I would be embarrassed as well.)
However, this time from beyond, I intuitively knew what she meant; I didn’t end my life and I have been gifted with the tenacity to never give up. It was this strength that prepared me to help my own daughter when she came out at fourteen. The burden of this wedge between me and mom was now gone and I felt as light as a feather. I understood that this issue was also bothering her and so having this reading was beneficial to both of us. Do not under-estimate the value of this gift, as it is hugely beneficial for both the living and the dead. There are mediums on the planet right now who understand that it is just as important to help the dead move forward in their soul progression as it is to help those on Earth. Great work is being done in the field of medium-ship at this level.
Now came the issue that had actually sent me to this gifted woman in the first place; my love life. It has taken me many years of various modalities and inner questioning just to become comfortable in my own sexuality. I have had extremely low times, but always fought for my sanity and through this procedure have made huge advances in spiritual understanding. Still, I held on to a marriage that was “comfortable companionship,” yet not beneficial for either of us. That was wrong and certainly not spiritual, especially because I was surfing possible female companions, online. It wasn’t lying but it wasn’t loving, either. Honesty is essential in any relationship.
Up until now, I was comfortable with one foot in and one foot OUT, but after my session, I changed. My mother gave me permission to be truly me. I walked out of the office and into my car feeling lighter, so much had been removed from my shoulders. I turned on the ignition and plugged in my cell phone and my car stereo blasted “It’s Over” by Swedish pop star Beatrice Eli ….B.E.A.